2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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