I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
