Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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