HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
