I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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