My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He shit in the fireplace
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize