So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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