If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize