cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Someone came in the potted fern
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
