Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
