tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
