Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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