The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
