youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize