hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
