I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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