My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
