I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
