very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
