So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
