Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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