so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
