Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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