Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
