I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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