it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
