Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
