the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize