The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
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