she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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