it wasn't lemon gatorade
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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