Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
