I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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