It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
