Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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