let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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