Define "chronic" masturbator.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
