What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
