closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
