I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
