I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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