for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
