My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
