Your mouth is God's brothel.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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