My hand turned me down
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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