Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
