Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize