He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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