I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
