i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
