What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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