If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
