how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
