he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
