I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
