She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
