Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
