i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
