I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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