im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
