I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
His hands were made for my vagina.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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