My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
