I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
