Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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